Unanswered Prayers

You plan you're life around a dream and when that dream doesn't come true you have to go find another dream, but what if you don't have anymore dreams....what if you've used them all up to keep yourself going. What then? I planed my summer to work at camp, I filled out everything I needed to fill out, went through the stress of getting all my references filled out and double checking on them and when finally it was all done I was told to wait til March. I waited....and waited....and waited. March is almost over and yet I never heard from them....Guess I'm gonna have to find another way to spend my summer cause it doesn't look like I'll be working at camp. I try to believe that God has his hands in all this but nothing I've planed on or decided on has been going the way it should. Camp isn't working out, culinary art school isn't either and I'm jobless. I guess the jobless part is my own fault but I can't see any reason God wouldn't want me to work at camp or he wouldn't answer any of my other prayers. I have a list that runs long of answered prayers and I know they say..."To thank God for unanswered prayers" but I don't see what's wrong with these that I pray...I would think this is what he wants for my life but I don't know anything anymore...I don't know what he wants for me....and he isn't sharing with me so I feel like I'm in a dark room with a blind fold on trying to figure out where the door is. I'm beginning to think there isn't a door. I wanna have faith, I know God loves me and wants what's best for me but it's hard when everything you once believed in let's you down and nothing you hope for comes true.

You know that song by the Barlow girls called "Never Alone" ? As I was writing this it started to play and most of the time when I hear it...it reminds me that I'm not alone in anything and God is right there beside me but it didn't have that effect on me today....they just felt like words. I feel like a hopeless child who lost her faith in the good of the world, but the worlds keep playing in my mind and I wanna believe that He's here with me but I can't... I'm not feeling it....The lyrics read as....

I waited for you today (and I have)
But you didn't show (but he hasn't)
No no no
I needed You today (The Lord knows I do)
So where did You go? (Where?)
You told me to call
Said You'd be there (I can't feel him)
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply (tried this one too)
And I can't feel You by my side (not at all)
So I'll hold tight to what I know (I'm trying)
You're here and I"m never alone (They say its true but I can't feel it)

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance (I wanna feel the reassurance)
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

I wanna trust the unseen and I know apart of me still does but I don't get why he'll answer other peoples prayers and my prayers for them but he won't answer mine. What is so wrong with me asking to work at a Christian camp, what is so wrong with me asking that my family stops fighting, or that I would have done well at my song...noo but I screwed that one up.... I'm most likely not working at camp and my family fights more than they used to. Guess prayer just made that one worse. I just don't get it.

Yours truly, the girl with unanswered prayers
p.s. I think I've tried so long to hold it all in but I'm frustrated and sad...and lost to what God wants. I'm not angry with him....I'm just sad.