Friends + Chicago = Adventures to Remember

My Grandpa once told me "In life, you'll be lucky if you make it through with one maybe two best friends." and he was right. 

I'm a lucky one. 

I count this as one of the best saturday's I've had in a long time. I really thought when my best friend got married that things would change but honestly Seth adds another level of coolness. Here's to many adventures in Chicago this year. 

xoxo

Me: Lets take a serious photo guys!
Fail.

Much much better! 

There's no one like her in this world. She just gets it. Sometimes I don't even have to speak. 

She's my favorite

It's Raining Food

Life would be so meaningless without food. Can I get an amen??

Tonight Rachel and I took the kitchen by storm cooking' up Marinara sauce, french bread, zucchini and lemon chicken. The day started with nothing to eat and ended up with a feast.. I can't complain though it was super yummy!

Hey, take a look!
xoxo

 

The Weather Outside is Frightening

You think a head cold would keep me down?

Nope!

It just keeps me from being with the precious babies so instead I asked Casey to cut all the fake extensions out of my hair. Yesss people my hair didn't grow 10 inches over night. Now I'm back to sweet, sassy short hair. Im'ma be  honest with y'all, I'm gonna miss it. I got wayy more attention with long hair than short (Vain I know... -.-) Ohh well, short hair fits my personality more.

After the hair episode I decided to make lunch. Rosemary Fish with assortment of vegetables. :) It's been a good day, sick and all. :)

Twelve Tests of Love

My mama gave this to me awhile ago after a huge heart break. Funny, I never read it until tonight. I thought these 12 points were spot on and could really help anyone who has a hard time telling the difference or has a history of dating the wrong person. 

The 12 Tests of Love

1. Test of Time – Love benefits and grows through time; infatuate ebbs and diminishes with time.

2. Test of Knowledge – Love grows out of an appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person. Infatuation may grow out of an acquaintance with only one of these characteristics known about the other person.

3. Test of Focus – Genuine love is other-person centered. Infatuation is self-centered.

4. Test of Singularity – Genuine love is focused on only one person. An infatuated individual may be “in love” with two or more persons simultaneously.

5. Test of Security – Genuine love requires and fosters a sense of security and feelings of trust. An infatuated individual seems to have a blind sense of security.

6. Test of Work – An individual in love works for the other person for his or her mutual benefit. By contrast, an infatuated person loses his or her ambition, appetite, and interests in everyday affairs.

7. Test of Problem Solving – A couple in love faces problems frankly and tries to solve them. Infatuated people tend to disregard or try to ignore problems.

8. Test of Distance – Love knows the importance of distance. Infatuation imagines love to be intense closeness, 24/7, all the time.

9. Test of Physical Attraction – Physical attraction is a relatively small part of love, but it is a central focus of infatuation.

(Now don’t read “small part” as “not a part” in what I just stated. If your heart doesn’t skip a beat now and then and you don’t feel real attraction for your mate or the person you plan to marry, I’d call that a problem. In contrast, when couples who are in genuine love have any physical contact, it tends to have special meaning as well as pleasure. Couples often communicate volumes through looks. These tend to express what they feel toward each other.)

10. Test of Affection – In love affection is expressed later in the relationship, involving the external expression of the physical attraction we just described. In infatuation affection is expressed earlier, sometimes at the very beginning.

11. Test of Stability - Love tends to endure. Infatuation may change suddenly and unpredictably.

12. Test of Delayed Gratification – A couple in genuine love in not indifferent to the timing of their wedding, but they do not feel an irresistible drive toward it. An infatuated couple tends to feel an urge to get married – instantly. Postponement for the infatuated is intolerable.

Welp that's all guys! 

xoxo

Chipotle Smoothie

I swear my Mother's smoothie this morning tasted just like a burrito without the beans, after six sips I decided to ask her what on earth I was drinking. The conversation went something like this:

Me" What did you put in this?!?!?! 
*scrunched face* 

Mama "Ohhh just strawberries, cranberries, a whole head of cilantro and parsley! Isn't it wonderful??" 

Me "... not quite the word I'd use to describe this jaw dropping flavor...." 

Mama "Just drink it. Its good for you." 

Those 4 deathly words "it's good for you..." Normally when those words are spoken by my mother, I know it means it's a nasty disaster concoction which also means RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!  Okay, okay I'm being a bit of a drama queen but seriously this morning I had a chipotle smoothie.

What did you have for breakfast?? ;)

xoxo

But He is Greater

I have this reoccurring nightmare. It comes back to me time and time again, mostly when I'm exhausted. It started up again last year. The nightmare hurts. Sometimes during the day it'll replay, I have a verse I repeat until it goes away but it's taxing. I feel as if it takes all my strength just to push the memory back down down deep inside the hole where it belongs. Its been coming now every night for three days, I know that doesn't seem long but to me this nightmare is my darkest hole. Three days, three days too long.

Tonight I sat down with my bible hoping to find peace from His word. I tried telling Him how it felt to be back there again, the only words that came were tears that stained the pages of my bible, but it was in those tears my heart remembered 2 Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness."  It brought hope, it's gentle reminder that I'm not defeated. He is strong in my weakness.

I know the nightmare will truly never go away until the time comes to be with my Heavenly Father but until that day, He'll be my rock helping me deal because nothing is too much for Him to handle. I hope whoever's reading this will find that to be true for them as well.

God is for you, not against you. Your burden you carry, please let it go and watch how He carries you. Renew yourself in His word daily and pray...my gosh never stop praying, I can't even stretch that one enough, just never stop praying! The Lord wants to hear you talk with Him. Yea yea, I know you're thinking He already knows your heart but there's something powerful in speaking your thoughts aloud, share them with Him, all day long and watch how it changes you. I can't promise you your burden will go away but with time it'll be more bearable.

It's January 2nd, I have 4 rules for you -

1) Name your burden
2) Renew your mind daily in His word.
3) Pray without ceasing.
4) Don't forget these rules 


xoxo

Philippians 4:13
1 Thessalonians 5:17
2 Timothy 1:7

Sunlight

I met a girl once

who sighed and told me

she was not lovely

and it confused me

that she could not see

the sunlight shining through her scars

Mama

Even though she'll proabably yell at me later for posting a "bad" photo of her I'm gonna post it still because I love it. I snuck up on her while she was dancing in the kitchen. That's the laugh she gives me when she thinks I'm being silly. I honestly don't think I could make it through life without her. She's my life-line. She's taught me everything I know and she's been there through it all and even though we fight a lot, I wouldn't trade her for anyone else.

Wherever You Are

I'm gonna be honest with you all its been almost a year since my first big break up where my heart actually stopped beating when he told me it was over. I thought I couldn't live without him ( what an idiot! I'm laughing out loud right now.) because him breaking up with me was the best thing that could have ever happened.

You know how people always tell you to grow a spine? I always thought that comment was so friggin' rude... I know now why I took offense BECAUSE I HAD NO SPINE,  Duh! until that horrible day when he looked me in the eyes and told me he never loved me and that I was only his rebound. It was so strange because I wanted to cry but it was as if God was watering me with miracle grow on steroids. My spine grew twenty nine sizes that day. (I'm pretty sure the angels in heaven did a little dance) 

Having a spine is very new to me. (any tips are greatly appreciated!) I used to be that stupid girl who would smile and nod at everything. I'd be whatever you wanted me to be in fact being anything I wasn't sure you'd want me to be was extremely discombobulating. Making waves OMG speaking my mind? Yeaaa I don't think so... It literally was the most uncomfortable things in the world but now speaking my mind, having an opinion, making choices, causing waves is my favorite thing to do. :D (with in reason, of course) I don't always cause trouble (cough) but I'll stand up for the truth and I'll be my complete quirky self whether you can handle or not.

So wherever you are... Thanks for being the guy who set my life in motion. You are the best worst thing to ever happen to me because by losing you I found myself.

p.s. Who ever is reading this.. I know you've been there. We all have and if you haven't reached this point in life yet just remember you'll come out even better than when you went in. :)

The Game

My mom found this somewhat poem I wrote back in high school and gave it to me today. I used to write a lot back then and I've saved all my stuff but I completely forgot about this one. I don't know, its okay, amusing at least. :)

The Game
Is life just a game
and everyone just a pawn
or is it all just a joke. 

Are we all running a race,
tricking and cheating to win first place
outdoing the other, taking pure pleasure 
in the faults of another? 

Is this really life
Is this the game we've created
and would He be proud,   
to look down upon us...

To see the filth that clings
and ugliness  that reeks. 
Would He be ashamed to see-- 
us as we are, a disgrace 
that longs to be saved by grace. 

Would He be proud if He --
Could see us as we are
In this race, running to win first place. 

It Will Never Fade

I’m not going to lie I’ve had a hard time letting you go but as I sat by your side tonight, holding your hand I finally felt peace. In the last year and a half I’ve grown to love you so much…but in a different way than a granddaughter loves her Grandma. 

I remember the night I said yes to moving in with you. I cried, not because I didn’t want to take care of you but because I knew my life wouldn’t be the same anymore, and looking back now, I wouldn’t trade any of my memories I have with you for anything. I cherish them with all my hearts, words can’t even describe… 

I think that’s why It's been so hard for me to watch you go through this pain, because I was always the one to help you and when you quietly spoke to me tonight and said “Help me” it broke my heart…and all I could do was hold your hand…all I could do was be there and somehow by just holding your hand to help you through, you helped me. I can let you go now and I know now in my heart you’re memory will never fade. 

I love you,

    thank you for always being there… 

7:00am

I struggle really bad with anxiety. I worry too much and I don't trust in my heavenly Father enough. I'm working on it but I still struggle a lot. So on those days when I can hardly breathe and nothing seems to work I like to take my camera out and spend a little time with it. This is what I captured this morning at 7:00am

Another Grandma Moment

Last night Grandma heard me from the living room crying in my room. She walked slowly upstairs while saying "Are you crying?" I couldn't respond because I was too caught up in the moment of being disappointed yet again.

I've noticed it's really hard being a Christian in this world. I don't mean Christian as being someone who believed Jesus died on the cross, I mean Christian as being someone who strives every day to know God more and do his will. It's really hard. It's even harder to find someone else who believes as you do. So maybe that's why all my relationships always come to a sudden stop, leaving me discouraged and disappointed once again.

Grandma walked into my room and said "What's wrong?" I choked out "Can you get me the kleenex?" She walked over to the wall, grabbed the box of kleenex and handed it to me. As I wiped my tears she just stood there until I was able to speak. She asked me again what happened and I told her... I said "because I don't believe in sex before marriage another boy decided I wasn't worth it anymore..." She just looked at me and said "Don't you worry... You are beautiful and have a lot to offer.." Then she walked out of my room to let me be alone for awhile.


The rest of the night I thought about what she said and my standards that I have... I thought I could lower my standards... I might have a better shot at keep a relationship going...I considered working even harder at my job so I didn't have to think about any of this, but instead I picked up my bible. I came across a verse in Isaiah 40:29-31 Its an old favorite and I go to it often. It says:

      "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  

So I decided this was a disappointment but it wasn't a setback. If anything it taught me to stand firm in my beliefs, in the Word and in God. He is my strength. I will not lower my standards, I will not change my beliefs and I won't give up. And you shouldn't either. I hope who ever reads this finds encouragement to be who they are...and stand firm in it. Don't let this world change what you believe because it looks easier on the other side. You just remember when you feel like giving up that You are Beautiful and have a lot to offer. :)

I've lived with my Grandma for almost a whole year now and I'm thankful I was given the opportunity.  She's taught me a lot about life, love and being okay with who I am.

That's just my Grandma

This morning I was walking downstairs to take a shower. When I saw my Grandma laying on the couch. She had her hand over her head and  she looked so sad. I sat down on the floor next to the couch and said "Hi" She barely choked out a hello. You see she's very congested and mornings are really hard. I asked her how she was feeling and she looked me in the face and says..."I'm sick, aren't I?" I replied "Yes, but you're getting better!" she looked away and says, "I'm really old, aren't I?" I smiled and say "Yeah, you are.." then very quickly she places her hand over her mouth, laughed and said "shhh don't tell anyone!" I smiled and say "Seeee you still have your sense of humor!!" and she goes "Well, I have to! You gotta laugh to get through."

Its moments like these that I'm going to remember forever... especially this one. It had brought me back to my teen years. I remember saying the same thing... "You just gotta laugh" When its the only thing left to do, when you're just too worn out. You just gotta laugh.

Growing up I always knew my grandma was tough... I mean she's one stubborn lady. That's how I always saw her until I moved in. It wasn't easy for the first two months and its still not easy but living here has shown me all her negative and positive sides... Yeah she's difficult and doesn't want me to help but she cares so much and I see that every day from her.. I mean I walked into her house a month ago, sobbing my eyes. All because a boy treated me as if I wasn't even human. As soon as she saw my face, her eyes got real big and she goes "What happened?!?!" between sobs I managed to say "a boy broke my heart..." she goes... "oh no.... what's his name?" I looked her straight in the face and told her his name was "Asshole" as I walked away I heard her saying "Asshole? That's a terrible name!" but then she followed me into the kitchen and told me to cheer up! That I should tell that boy thank you! and I kinda just looked at her... and she goes "because he did you a favor! You don't want to be with someone like him and there will be lots of other boys out there for you!" 

My grandma has a fighter's heart. Somehow, someway she'll figure out how to accomplish a mission. That's just who she is... she doesn't give up... doesn't take no for an answer and never stops loving you, even if she doesn't say it to you... her actions will always prove it to you.

In certain ways she inspires me... I wanna have a fighter's heart. I don't ever wanna give up... so next time I feel like it, I'll just think of her and you should too! :) Because there is always a way no matter how worn out and tired you are! even if that way is just laughing because its the only thing left to do. Just do it... because things will get easier...maybe not tomorrow or the next day but over time you'll realize you made it through that difficult time and you're stronger. So have a fighter's heart :)

Valentine's Day

This almost made cry... as of lately I'm just really figuring out how much my Savior loves me and every time I'm shown it and it really hits me I start to tear up. My heavenly father means everything to me and I pray one day you'll feel that too.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Day Five

Today has been a little bit harder to smile but my reason is because I was able to spend dinner time at my cousins. I had a blast watching Cliff cook dinner and eating it. :) Cause seriously he's a good cook! :)

Day Four

My reason today is short and simple but means the world to me. I'm able to smile today because God has placed the most amazing, loving, enduring friends in my life. I am blessed.

Day Three

Well my reason to smile has come pretty early today... As I was leaving the gym and heading to my car in the parking lot... its raining and wet and cold... and behind me I hear a voice say "You forgot something." I turned around and there he was... I thought he was busy so that's why I didn't bother to talk to him before I left but he came after me. We stood in the parking lot talking for a bit while the rain came down. Just before we said goodbye he gave me a hug. I hadn't realized how much I needed one until that moment. So that's my reason to smile today... because God knew I needed a hug.

p.s. I know you're gonna ask who this guy is and how I feel about him... but I ain't answering yet cause I haven't figured it all out.

Day Two

This year I feel like there is just so much pain. A lot of people have been sharing their stories with me and it breaks my heart to see such heartache. All week I've been asking myself whats happened to this world and the people who live in it? When did we allow ourselves to be so selfish and mean? I feel like there is so much evil spreading...and it makes me wonder if there even is any good left.

...Today I found some and it made me smile. Today I witness a helper... She was kind and sweet and caring and wanted to protect. It was nice because it reminded me that there is still good out in the world.

Mr. Rogers once said... "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."

So remember that statement when things look bleak. Look for the helpers because you will find them.

That's my reason to smile. :)

Day One

I've decided to turn my blog into 28 Days of reasons to smile. :) So here I go!

Reason one - Because Jesus loves me even when I can't find a reason to love myself.

How cool is that to know? That He'll love you through anything and everything and always be there! Now that's a reason to smile :)

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:28-29