Lay it Down

I feel like I've just learned a life lesson within the span of two weeks. Funny how that works, right. I'm so worn out from fighting, so tired of tears, so sick of not trusting but these past two weeks have taught me a lot and I pray I'll never forget it but learn to fall harder into the arms that created me.

Life lessons can be difficult to learn and some of them are just plain easy...Lord knows I've had my share of both but this one, I'd say was somewhere stuck in the middle of difficult and easy. I guess I'll have to share a little about the last two weeks with you for you to fully understand. I bet that would make all this ramble a tad bit easier for you to understand. hehe.

Well I have this choice to make...and there are some people in my life who don't agree with me. Its rough because I want to do whats right by them but I don't know how to show them the truth. I've spent many nights frustrated over this issue. I've prayed about it but I never really got an answer or even felt peace over the matter like I usually do. I spent two weeks banging my head against the wall because I had no control over the problem and to most of you, two weeks might sound like a very short time and in reality it is, but my two weeks felt like months...and months of no peace and no direction. No fun. I can tell you that much but last night I finally just flopped down on my bed after a long, long tiring day. I turned my ipod on to my comfort play list and just lay in the dark looking at the moon and stars. Finally the answer I'd been looking for came to me. It was soo simple. I feel so dumb for not hearing it before but it was right there plain and simple before my eyes. It was one word....one word painted out in big letters before me. "TRUST" and that was it. five letters. "TRUST" five simple letters that I just needed to obey. Now I've always had a difficult time with trusting so its no wonder I didn't catch it the first time. I've always felt that I needed to be in control of every situation otherwise I'd get hurt and we couldn't have that. "TRUST" five simple words but probably by far the hardest thing for me to ever learn. Yet there it was "TRUST" laying out be for me....and I thought..."God is asking me to trust in him....he's asking me to give him control and just lay back and relax. Let him take care of it. Let him change the hearts of the people who didn't see the truth". So why not, why not stop stressing over this problem when I didn't have to, why not just give it to my God who has always taken care of me. Its not like he wants to hurt me. He wants the best for me! There is this one song called "Lay it Down" by Jaci Velasquez. I haven't listened to her in forever but whenever I do I feel myself being drawn closer to God. Her lyrics are so true and pure here are a couple verses from a song that really explain everything I've been through the past two weeks...

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

The chorus pretty much explains what came over me last night. I decided it was time to lay it down for God to take care of and when I did, I felt so much peace. So I hope I never forget this lesson and always remember when life gets rough again that God loves me and wants what's best for me...I just need to trust in him. I pray that in all I do people will see Jesus in my reflection.