All of Me

 I wish I could say I have it all figured out. I wish I could say I never fail or made mistakes but that would be a lie. All I really can say is that I'm human, I make mistakes and I have a Savior who decided to love me before I even committed any sins. Its such a humbling thought to realize there is one person in this world who will never love you less for the things you've done. It makes me want to cry sometimes...

Ya know, life is messy, and complicated and crazy, and silly and just plain wonderful sometimes but this summer I kinda lost sight of a couple things... I got cocky and started relying on myself to fix things and do things and I pushed God away...which was the biggest mistake of my life and it didn't hit me until I was driving home on my own at night overwhelmed by life and choices I had to make and this song came on the radio... I heard the words "You're gonna have all of me... you're gonna have all of me/I can't give you half my heart and pray He makes it whole" I started sobbing... and I mean tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face and I couldn't breath cause I was crying so hard but I realized in that moment that I wasn't the girl I used to be... I wasn't even a girl I'd be proud to say was my best friend... I had pushed God soo far away that even in that moment I still didn't feel him near but I knew I needed to change. I needed to let him have all of me. Needed to give him my whole heart because my heart is soo tangled up and hurt and my whole life I've kept such a hold on it... I kept thinking "ohhh I'll fix it! Its okay, I can do this!!!" but I can't, in fact any amount of progress I have made in my life isn't because of how strong I am but because of how much love he has shed on me.

I'd always tell people its because of God... and I truly believed that but my sinful heart still held on to a couple pieces that the reason I've gotton so far in life was because I helped. It wasn't. It isn't. Its all because of God and to be completely honest any amount of set back I've ever hit is because I wasn't allowing God to lead... so in all truth I did help... but only to set me back a couple miles.  I don't want that anymore. I'm giving my whole heart to God so I can move on and be the girl he wants me to be. So that one day I'll never be afraid to love, so that I'm able to show people who Christ really is and be an example. He's gonna have all of me and I'm so thankful that I can ask him to have all of me and his response isn't "been there... done that... didn't work" no its not that... its simply "welcome home, I've been waiting."

I'm so thankful my past mistakes don't define me. I'm so thankful for a Heavenly Father who doesn't ever stop loving me. I know he has great plans in store and I know that whoever is out there reading this... if you've ever been at this point in life remember its never too late to ask Jesus to lead you again. He's always been there you just couldn't feel him because of the space you set in between. He's there. I promise. He's waiting for you.

& please remember no matter what you've done, no matter where you've been no mistake you've made will make him love you any less. You aren't defined by the mistakes you've made. You aren't, so stop beating yourself up because he has forgiven you.... a long time ago on the cross. You are more than that, you are soo much more to him than any mistake.  So you can start by forgiving yourself because he already has. :)