Puppy!

Well today we just bought ourselves a cute little yorkie puppy! We get to pick her up next saturday. I'm sooo excited!

How Low Can We Get?

Work really did a number on me. I have never been this low in health in my life, and the worst part is...I don't even know how to put my body back together again.

Breathe

Funny how you don't really realize how bad it is until you finally stop and look around you.

A Dream

Everyone has a dream right? When you're little everyone wants to be someone great or do something with their life. But I never really had a dream. I never really had talent. To tell you the truth the only thing I ever really wanted to do besides help people was get married and have kids. I know. HORRIBLE! How dare I think such a thought at such a young age! I mean I'm not even 25 yet! To wanna get married and not live my life for myself, being single, havin' fun dating around....I must be dumb or lost. I mean come on who dreams to have kids and wanna take care of them. That's just a silly dream.

That's all I ever hear from the world. No wonder I hide my thoughts, no wonder I stay silent about what I really want. The world thinks I'm crazy! and maybe I am but that's my dream. A dream, ever had one? Ever desired one so much it hurt. I mean you work hard for your dream! You want your dream beyond anything else...then please tell me what's wrong with me being disappointed every now and then that I'm still single. Whatever, tell me I'm young, tell me I'm wasting my time. Your opinions aren't going to change my mind its just gonna make me frustrated with you and respect you less.

I wanna get married. They all say "Marriage is a pain! Its hard work!" Well of course it is! Tell me one thing in the world that's easy besides sitting on your butt and watching TV. Go ahead! Tell me! I'm listening. That's what I thought! Of course its difficult! but I'm positive that it isn't like that all the time. I bet its still beautiful like God intended it to be.

I wanna get married, but you haven't come yet for me...It kind of makes me sad but I'm gonna be a tough girl and suck it up. I can put my "real" dream on hold until God thinks the timing is right. I have culinary arts school to think about and I have many many things to learn but please don't be too hard on me if I get down sometimes, you gotta remember that being married was always my true desire. Its hard to let go of a dream because the timing isn't right but I know you're plan is perfect. So I hold tight to your word and also to Romans 8:28

One day, and hopefully soon....I'll meet you, because honestly I don't wanna waste anymore time. I wanna start getting to know you, everything about you. Come soon.

Nothing Left

My words have packed a bag and hit the road. There is nothing left. No more to say. What can I do. My passion has been stripped away and sold for half price. What I would give to have them back, what I would give to turn back the clock. I wish your words weren't so harsh. I wish I still believed in my art.

When did I start letting others tell me what my worth was. I thought I was better than this. How did I let myself go this far. Can I really blame you for making me feel so low or is it my fault for letting this get to me.

I'm better than this, my passion was to write. I'm not gonna let you unkind remarks hinder my passion for writing. I'm taking my words back and I'm gonna write for Jesus. It doesn't matter what you think or what anyone else thinks. I write for God and he's the only one I care for.

So my words may now return to me. :)

:(

Its been a bad day and it isn't even the afternoon yet. Prayers would be nice.

Go Away!

Go away you cold weather! Go away!!!

STalker!

So there is this guy I kinda went out with and no he is interested in me but I don't like him. He isn't worth my time cause I can't see myself marrying him. He's just kinda strange but nice in a weird way. Anyways! He won't stop trying to talk to me and get my attention. He's kinda creepin' me out! UGH! Its getting annoying.

Stuck

Ever have that feeling where you're stuck... just stuck. You can't go backwards and you can't move forwards. I'm stuck right now. I hate this feeling. It always brings me down. I've been here before, my mind remembers it well. I just never figured out how to get unstuck. Which ever way I try is always a "quick fix" then I'm stuck again! I don't get it! Maybe its all the stress of fighting every single day, and craving chocolate every single night. Maybe its the fact that it is February and its snowing almost every day. I hate snow. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of craving chocolate and I'm fed up with all this snow. Please just make it all go away! I want it to be summer again so I can wear shorts and a tank and go out to coffee with friends. I wanna feel light and free again but all I'm feeling is stuck. STuCK! STUCK! STUCK STUCK! I keep trying to tell myself, "You're almost there! Just three more months!" Three more months and I graduate, quit work and leave for camp. Hopefully! But Camp still hasn't gotton back to me. Work is still a pain and Lord knows I wanna quit so bad. I'm so tired of fighting! And School. School is well you know... a struggle. I'm almost done and right now I'm not seeing the point. What does it have to do with Culinary Arts school. Bleh! I don't even wanna go to college. I don't know what I wanna do. SEEE I TOLD YOU! I'm STUCK! Bleh!

Smile

You ever get in that mood when you look back in the past and sometimes it leaves you sad or even happy? I was rereading some of my journal entrees and I started smiling and laugh and "aw"ing because of that moment in life. That one month of happiness that crashed after the month was over...Funny thing now though is I don't regret it. Looking back now I can see why it made me so careful with love but I don't regret caring because I felt alive for that month and I was happier than I had been in awhile. It gives me hope too, it means that you can be that happy in life! ITs OUT there! You just have to wait for it and one day he's gonna come and he'll make me 10 times more happy than that "one" month that that special boy kept me smiling. Don't worry though cause I'm never gonna forget that month. How could I? Its the month that I saw the real me and also saw the real me die but then grow. Like a flower in Summer. You had me dancing and blowing in the wind then winter came and killed me but there was hope cause Jesus saved me and brought me back to life and reminded me that i was still strong. :) I miss you and every time i hear "Smile" I think of you. That was your song. :)

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Moments That Mean the World

I was going through pictures for my graduation one night and I came upon these and some other ones and I realized how lucky I was to have such great friends to share such wonderful memories with me.

I love you Sarah!

Its the WEEKEND!

Okay, its saturday. One Tree Hill is playing and I'm getting ready to go out job searching with my bestest friend SARAH! LIfe should maybe start turning up I hope? The big game is tomorrow and i'm not gonna pretend but I really don't like sports so I'm just gonna learn to make mexican food because ITS MEXICAN MONTH! :) I'm sooo excited to learn how they cook all their different kinds of food. :)

Okay, well thats it for now. Over and out. ;)

Rain

You stand there in the puring rain wondering if life could get any worse and then it happens. The thunder hits and nearly rattles your brains. You spoke too soon. I wish i could just close my eyes tightly and wish this all away!

Going job searching on saturday. Wish me luck. :)