Confused!

I'm having this dilemma. I need money. I need a job. I also want to travel this summer. I have plans to go to NC, SD, Hawaii and MN. Yes for places. :) I'm super excited but most places don't want to hire someone who's only gonna be working for a month. Pointless right? I thought maybe I'd go back to work for my old boss but I'm kind of feeling like God says not to. I'm sooo confused! I don't know what to do. I want to say yes but I feel like he's saying "No, not this time. You don't need to go back" but how am I going to take care of myself?!?! How am I ever going to do anything this summer?!?! They said they would work around my traveling plans which is great! But I still feel like God is saying no...but then I think what if I'm hearing wrong. UGh! I need perspective...but I have a feeling I'm a little too close to the picture to see it right. :( Life is soo confusing.

On a happier note I'm only 16 days away from finishing highschool! And a couple days away from taking a placement test for college. I'm a little worried since I have to take a math one and I'm not good at math at all. :( Prayers would be nice.

A Thought

I know this is weird but sometimes I do my best thinking while I'm sitting on the toilet. lol Anyways I realized that this year has been prolly the most wearing and stressful but the least emotional....I hardly cry anymore....why? Cause there aren't any guys to tell me I'm not worth the trouble, play with my emotions to boost their ego or decide to sleep with my friend just because I say I won't sleep with them. I haven't had a serious guy in my life since the end of last summer. Do you guys understand how freeing it has been? I'm not a emotional train wreck and I can also live my life. I wanna see if I can make it a year. lol Crazy I know but honestly, i'm young. I'm gonna live life and go to college and just have fun with friends. This year as stressful as its been its shown me a lot! :)

Christ is Risen

I woke up on Easter morning to breakfast cooking but before I got out of bed I remembered this song I had stuck in my head last night and I posted it as my status. The lyrics go as following.....

"Oh death! Where is your sting? Oh hell! Where is your victory? Oh church! Come stand in the light. Our God is not dead, He's alive, He's alive. Christ is risen from the dead. Trampling over death by death.. Come awake, come awake. Come and rise up from the grave."

I hope ya'll have a wonderful Easter and remember our Lord up in heaven is looking down at us. He is all loving even when we mess up and I know I am forever grateful to him for how he treats me. Happy Easter!

I'm fed Up

I'm so tired... I'm so tired of everything and everyone. I can handle things pretty well but I've had it and all I can think to do it curl up and be left alone with a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Sad that life just goes on and doesn't stop for the tired people. I don't know what it is...I've had a ton of sleep but I'm tired and annoyed. Annoyed with everything and everyone. I'm sick of men who think they honestly are God's gift to the world and treat you like crap. I'm tired of people who think its there business to tell you how to live your life or older people who at every single second of the day have some wise words to share with you. I'm TIRED OF SCHOOL! I'm TIRED of this weather. I'm SICK OF PEOPLE who have opinions and force them unto you... or people who judge you and don't even know you. I don't get where the bible told us to go and judge all of mankind and frown upon them. I've searched the bible far and wide but I still can't find that verse even though like every one seems to have that verse written in their heart. It just all makes me sick inside and on top of that I had to go to cyt today and a certain jerkface decided to treat me like I wasn't even a person and that pissed me off... I don't even know what the heck I ever did to him! Yet, he hates me and has no problem showing it to me and acting like I'm a piece of crap on his shoe. UGH! People just make me soooo mad! Soooo MAD! I can't take it anymore! I'm sooo fed up! SOOO FED UP! Why can't people just mind their own business and only give there opinions when asked for. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE BE NICE!?!? WHY can't guys always act themselves I don't get why we have to act one why then treat the person like they aren't anything of importance. I don't know... I'm just fed up. I need to leave this state and fast!

1,000 Faces

I just heard this video and it made me smile... I hope it does the same for you.

Before I ever knew you
I dreamed of you

You're a stormy night, thunder crashin'
Mystery full of passion
Quiet as a Sunday mornin', shange without any warnin'
Love has a thousand faces
Love has a thousand faces, but I see you

And I see you

I see you

Abortion

I am writing my very last paper for high school on abortion and I found this video. It made me sick to hear half the stuff they were saying. One lady honestly said that she was a doctor and "proud" to perform abortions. What the heck is this world coming to.

“Abortion on demand and without apology”

“I had an abortion a few weeks ago… my insurance actually covered it.”

“It’s not a baby. A baby is a fetus that has been born.”

"Our body, our choice"

"Abortion is health care"

What the hell are they talking about. This is sick and twisted. A Child is a human... from the moment it starts.... They talk about there freakin' rights, what about the baby's rights? What if it was you.... and you're mommy decided to kill you instead of keeping you because she had to pay off her college loans. Abortion is wrong, a child is a child no matter how small or how far along the way it is. Its plain and simple. You have sex, you make a baby, that baby is life and we protect life.

Save A Place for Us

You know, I've been trying to figure out what to write about for awhile now and no words would come to me. I've had a block up for awhile, maybe it's because when I sit down to write all my emotions come out and I just haven't been wanting to feel lately but this past week has taught me a lot of things...Its a been an amazing week and a hard one as well. You know it's funny how everything can be going so well one moment and just one thing can happen and turn your world upside down. I went to bed Thursday night after a great week at Teen pact and on Friday morning I told that an old friend of mine died. He was only a couple years older than I. It shook me, I don't really know how to explain it but I didn't want to think about it. Every status up-date about him made me sad and I tried just to block it out. He was so young, so full of life and I didn't understand why God brought him home. We weren't that close but he was the first person to make me feel welcome at cyt.... the first person there who made me laugh and treated me like I somebody. He had the voice of an angle and worked hard at everything he did. He had Jesus inside of him shining through, blessing those around him and now he's gone. Like that. I don't understand why it happened but I know that Christian Stilwell lived his life to the fullest and took care of the people around him. I wish I could bring him back so that he could laugh again or sing his heart out but I can't. All I can do is pray for the ones he left behind and remember to live every day to the fullest, and say I love you to the ones around you. You'll always be remembered Christian. Save a place for us.