Just Talkin' ya Know

i just like to say... that I do not go looking for guys in dark places. They find me. Thank you very much. I'm just sweet enough to give them a chance. If any of you would like to debate this any father I would love to over email. I know I will though. :)

Sooo, today was a very long day. I failed another test... guess what subject. MATH! yay. I also wanted to drop kick one of my teachers. I'm sorry that you made a mistake and I caught you... Just fix it and I'll be okay....no need to act all proud and such. Grrr proud people make me mad!!!

Alrighty, right about now I'm wishing I had one of those buttons where you can just skip moments, weeks or even months, cause I'd skip this week and the next by...I am really happpy at the moment. Not gonna lie. :)

Hide&Seek

I'm working on homework. Go figure and my mom walks in. Now I had just had a big fight with her so I was expecting her to come in again and lay it on but she didn't. Instead she told me that she thinks.... I'm going to marry a very nice, caring and loving man who will be gentle with me. I kind of looked at her and said ..."okay?" So she goes on..."...but Emily, you have to stop looking for him. He'll find you when you're ready, but you gotta stop looking, because you look in all the wrong places. You like look in dark corners and they always jump out at you and scare you!" My face has gone a puzzling. I'm trying to find the right words to say... but all I can think of is... Hide and seek. rofl

Anyways, i have the cuttes puppy on earth. :)

Alrighty, gonna get back to my homework. Hope you got a good laugh out of my darling Mother's version of how I find guys. haha

A Little Slap in the Face

Im'ma admit it, I've been a super uncontent child lately. Yep. I've been frustrated, and kicking myself, comparing myself to other people and asking God why all my choices have to be so difficult and confusing. He hasn't been answering me. At least not until today he hasn't.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

I read this verse just a little bit ago. I can't say how many times I've read this verse and its saved me. I'm weak right now, I have no control over anything besides to do what I know is right. I can't fix anything, I can't make anything happen and that frustrates me to no end because I can be such a control freak. I can't do anything though, I'm weak, I don't have the power to but this verse reminded me that my savior can. His grace is sufficient for me. He'll be my strength, He'll carry me.

So since I have the most amazing Savior out there why am I still acting like a brat. Like what he does for me isn't enough. I think I deserve a spanking because it is and I'm sorry God that I've been acting this way.

You are my hope,joy and my love. You fill me like no one ever can. Without you I am nothing. So Im'am work on being content in every situation that is thrown my way. (Please don't throw too many bad ones.)

Thank you for placing great friends in my life that always try to help me. I really just deserve a slap in the fave but they always say the right things, the things I need to hear at the moment. I'm soo grateful for them all. And thank you Julie for sharing your story today because if i hadn't read it, I'm pretty sure I'd still be beating myself up and angry. haha

God works in such funny ways.

Blunt Friday

I am such a nerd. I set a timer for one hour to study my notes for my test that is coming up tomorrow. I promised myself that if I studied for one hour I could take a small break and write a blog. :P As you can see I totally studied for an hour.

I'm not really sure what to write about, I do have a story to tell. I meant to write it down friday night when it happened but instead of coming home I went to hang out with a reallly really good friend of mine. She totally cheered me up too. :)

Okay, so friday's I'm at school from 10 in the morning til 4 in the afternoon. My first class of the day is College 101 which is pretty much the stupidest class in the world. I paid college money to have them teach me about myself! YAY!!!!! No, not really but I decided that since I have to go that I minus well get my money's worth and have some fun in the class. So I started talking to the guys who I sit next too. We clicked right away and the class started to be more exciting...this was good for me for about 30 minutes until I realized that guy was kind of hitting on me. lol.

I slowed my niceness down a bit but we started talking about different states we've been to and I said I' went to 7 over the summer and he told me he's been to England soo I was impressed and said "No way" a little too loudly. My teacher got a little mad. Now, my teacher acts like we're stupid and childish... so she talks down to us with her worlds. Totally ticks me off because excuse me? I've taken care of 8 people in my life and have run a household when my mother was sick, plus getting my school done. I don't need anyone to talk down to me like I can't handle responsiblity. So she was upsetting me the whole class time... also I had been having a super bad week and i was just frustrated with everything. So she goes "Excuse me? What are you talking about??" and I'm like....what the heck lady you don't scare me. so I told her! but since she's the teacher she has the upper hand and she totally embarrassed the poor kid....I feel horrible cause nothing really happened to me but she told Brandon who was trying to hit on me that he could "impress the young lady later after class" hahhaa like what the heck, are we in highschool again? lol

Class finally ended and he walked me out...and asked where I was going to next and I said I had a break til one. He also had a break til one too and as we were walking he looked at me and goes.. "Wanna go on an adventure?" I smiled and asked where to and he said... To pick up his paycheck, get some food and then we could come back to go to classes. This sound super fun because I really don't want to study but I remembered what I read early in the bible and decided that I 1)wasn't interested in him at all and never would be. 2) I realize that if the person I did like knew I went on a kind of date with a stranger... he prolly wouldn't think I was serious.

So I replied with "Ya know, I was always taught never to get into cars with strangers." (another one of my blunt moments. I guess we were going all out that day) He smiled and said "well its up to you..." so I said "I'll see you next week and I walked away."

Sigh- I did the right thing, but hey, it would have been nice to have some fun. I'm glad I didn't though.

A Cry from a Mocking Bird

Most of the time I'm really honestly very happy, but I have my off days being human and all. I call it the 15% because the 85& of the time I am so thankful and happy I'm doing what I'm doing or that I'm God's child. In fact I am always thankful I am God's child because without him my 15% would be a whole lot bigger!

Right now, I'm going through one of my 15% moments. I've been fighting it for a long time but last night I was too worn out to fight anymore and I went to bed sad and woke up sad. I know I am going to be fine but I just can't help but be sad at the moment. Its just confusing, I don't know what happened and i feel like I lost a friend over it. You always made me smile and I honestly respected the person you were. I don't know what happened, all I know is there is distance between us now and I don't want to keep it up anymore. I just want my friend back. I'm waiting for you. I want you to respond to my texts or want to talk to me. I didn't do anything to you so I don't get it. Its soo frustrating though and it makes me want to stop trying. Stop trying at everything. I wanna just wrap myself up in a blanket and close my eyes tight praying we'd never met or been friends...but I know that isn't the answer. The answer is to keep moving and focus on God. Thank goodness he is my Father, because he never disappoints and I know what is meant to be will always be.

I saw my little niece last night and as I was holding her all I could think was "Please, don't ever grow up". I just wanted to protect her from everything. I never wanted her to hurt. She was so beautiful, so innocent, so pure.

I fell in love with her. She was my sunshine. :) I just don't want her to ever grow up. I don't want the world to leave its mark on her. She's so precious. I love her. I wanna hold her tight and make sure no one ever hurts her.

Its funny cause when I was in SD on the way home all I could think about was this girl I knew. She's 19 and beautiful. She has the most caring heart. Her smile is beautiful and I just want to take her and hide her until someone or I can find her the perfect person. I don't want to see the world ruin her. She's an innocent. She's a mocking bird and I don't ever want the world to touch her.

What I don't understand is why there is so much evil in this world. Why can't people care. Why do they have to be selfish and take. Every time they take you hear the cry of a mocking bird. The innocent. Why can't people just give and not worry about themselves.

The world is just a funny place, the best I can do is try to help.

p.s. I promise I'll keep my distance from you.

I'm not Preaching, Just Thinking

I was reading in the bible today in Proverbs. It was eye opening, well not really it was more like... eye remembering. (I have a lot of those moments.) But as I was reading I started to realize that no guy is ever going to want a girl who is always angry with him because she believes he's being slow or not handling a problem right. No guy is ever going to want a girl who is inpatient and gets into messes because her expectations aren't being met. No!!!! A guy is going to want a girl who loves the Lord with all her heart and will want to please not only him but also God. Another verse that really stuck out to me was Tts 2:4-5

That they may teach the young women to be sober,
to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed.

One day, you will find a guy and settle down and even if you don't believe this right now what you do with your time is training you for the future. Every habit you build will stick with you in the future...soo why start bad habits of chasing millions of guys until we find the right one. In this world they move from one crush to the next. "Ohh, that one didn't work out. Lets try a new one."

Noooo!!! Just wait, wait and build good habits you're future husband would be proud of. Stay out of trouble. Stay out of relationships. Just Wait. Like Tts 2:4-5 says, Us women should be sober, loving to our husband. Even though we don't have one right now doesn't mean we can't be loving or obedient. Would he be proud if I or you were with another man right now? Would You be happy if he was with another women right now? NO! of course you wouldn't. So why cause hurt where hurt doesn't need to be caused?

I'm honestly not writing all this to preach. Mostly I'm writing it because I need to do a better job at this. This little blog journal is so that my thoughts can be organized. I just thought that you might like to read also what I've been learning. :)

Soo my advice to myself and also to you if you want it. :P Is get out in the world and don't wait around for some guy to save you... Wait for him but that doesn't mean sit in a chair waiting patiently. Start moving. Do things for the Lord, Start learning, build good habits. Help out in the world and sooner or later some great guy will notice you for the amazing person you are. (Or at least I would hope! If he doesn't, I'll knock some sense into him.) Learn to be everything Tts 2:4-5 says. Because I can promise you it will pay off in the future. And know you aren't alone in learning, waiting, and working on good habits. I'm walking the path right along side of you.

On My Graduation Day?

I have a break between my classes on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s so I find a nice quit place to work on homework. Today I decided to work on my COL 101 homework and one of the assignments was to write a journal entry on an accomplishment that you visualize in the future. My teacher told me to write about the day I graduate from college. I needed to make it a colorful story that really drew a picture of what was happening.

All right, this is a joke. I am sooo sick of doing stupid things that don’t help me in life at all but only give me a good laugh….sooo for my visualization of the exact moment in the future when I experience the accomplishment of graduating I wrote this…..

I am dressed in my long, black robe, my red, black and white tassel hanging from my graduation cap. I can barely contain my excitement as I peek around in my chair to see the thousands of face there that day. I spot my family as they wave to me. I blush and wave back just before I quickly turn back around in my seat. The announcer starts to call names but he is an old fellow and speaks slowly, my mind starts to wander to my plans for the weekend. I'm dreaming about ice cream and no more late nights of studying. I'm thinking about my wedding that I can't wait to plan but than I remember I don't even have a man and all of a sudden I hear my named being screamed at me over and over…"Bender, Bender! MISS BENDER!" I jump in my seat as I realize the announcer is calling my name and the audience roars with laughter. I start my walk up to the front with pink reaching to my ears but a wide smile spreads across my face. This is the moment, I thought! When I reach the stage I shake hands with the college president who is smiling at me. I think “Gosh, that smile looks like someone glued it to her face, its sooo perfect!” than I return her, my big bright smile and take my diploma. The crowd goes wild and I hear a voice scream "That's my girl!" to my horror it was my father and I quickly left the stage, wishing he wouldn't have done that, but nothing could ruin this day because I am a graduate!!! I had finished a chapter in my life.

Awkward Moment

While I was sitting on the couch in Colorado with my sister and brother in law, we got to talking. The tv was on and the weather was burning hott so no one was really moving. We were just sitting there…. And all of a sudden Chris starts making fun of people with different voices. He had us all rolling in laughter with his impression of the news guy talking like a cowboy. Finally I go “Chris, you’re really good at that, so can you tell me how player’s talk?” Chris goes “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You want me to talk like a player?” I replied with my sarcastic normal responses… “That is what I asked you to do…” He gave me a look and goes in a super creepy voice that I don’t even wanna repeat… “Hey little girl, want some candy??” all of a sudden it got really silent and Nina, my sister goes “Chris, that’s a pedophile….”

Twelve Apostle Pauls'

So i'm really suppose to be working on my English homework but this kind of English is wayy more fun. :) Alright, so I have the cutest story to tell you guys but I have changed the names so that the person isn't embarrassed at all. :)

During a bible study I was having with a couple people we were talking about the Apostle Paul. The person who was giving the bible study, who we'll call Mr. Dude asked the question who is the Apostle Paul and what is he like... one of the kids who we'll name Larry, said "Which one?" Now Mr. Dude is super confused and goes..."What do you mean, which one???" All of a sudden I start cracking up because I totally understand what Larry is saying, but Mr. Dude is soo confused and by now the whole group is cracking up besides Larry and Mr. Dude. Sooo as I soo graciously stopped laughing to explain to Larry that their were twelve apostles and one of them who had a big impact was the Apostle Paul. Mr. Dude is still very confused by Larry's response and was getting frustrated but I explained (I'm doing a lot of explaining here. haha) that Larry thought there were twelve apostle Paul's. Finally the whole room started rolling in laughter with the thought of Jesus having twelve apostle Pauls'who followed him around. hahahaha Awkward.

Anyways, I better get going now. I need to finish my homework.

What I Love

I love this time of year. It’s not too cold but not burning hott. I can sit inside in my sweats and t-shirt drinking tea and feeling cozy. That’s what makes me happy. Right now, I’m just sitting in my room with A Fine Frenzy playing, warm tea by my side and life just feels alright even though I know its wayyy out of control but for now I’m putting aside the world and enjoying my cup of tea. ☺

You know what I really, really love and can always make me happy:

Chia Tea
Good Books
Long Walks
Talking with Julie
My Bible
Ice cream
Jeeps
ICE CREAM
Chocolate.
Chick flick
Long letters

Those are just a few, but you get the idea. I could go on and on with things I enjoy but I better not. Don’t want to put you to sleep.

Psalms 62:5

Have you ever had those moments where your whole world was out of your control and nothing you did seemed to go right? Well, I've been stuck in a moment like that lately... but today as I was reading in my bible I came across such a uplifting verse that just reminded me how much my savior loves me and has his hand on me. The verse was found in Psalms 62:5 It says "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him." The world is always going to disappointment me. Time and time again but in everything God has done for me I've noticed a pattern. Nothing He does ever disappoints me. So today I found hope in knowing, yet again because my brain is sooooo small I tend not to remember, that the only person I need to hope in and won't disappoint me is God and when he says no to something that it really isn't a no but a redirection... that could give me what I asked for but just later on down the road when I'm ready for it. He's pretty good to me. :)

How Deep The Father's Love

This song has always meant so much to me.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will nost boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom