Change

Well if you were to ask me two weeks ago if I was okay.. the answer would have been "sure" the truth would be "no" and only the people closest to me and a random few who could see past my fake smile knew I wasn't okay. Life has changed a lot in August. I tried hard to smile and forgive but I couldn't forgive. It was so hard... I just held all of the stress and pain inside and I moved away. I left Hampshire to help take care of my Grandma. I knew it would be hard but I guess it was all just too much change for me to handle. I mean no teen expects to heal from a broken heart... watch her best friend get married.... and also have the weight of the responsibility of making sure Grandma is comfortable and happy. Its a lot of pressure... It all was just too much stress for me to handle. Ohh but I tried.. Thanksgiving day I crashed. I literally was no fun to be around. I didn't know what to do but I knew something needed to change. I needed to just let go of the pain... forgive... and expect that it was time to grow up. No one wants to grow up at 19 though..  After a ton of prayer and frustration and writing... God finally helped me forgive the pain in my life. Letting go, helped me to see things differently. Life wasn't as crushing anymore... I felt freer. I could even listen to country music again without being sad. The next step was getting my hormones back on track. I'm on a bunch of things natural stuff... and my anxiety is getting soo much better! The natural stuff and working out at the gym help. :) Its getting easier to live here. I don't miss home as much... but now I'm excited to go back on the weekends :) It just feels good to be myself again... Yeah.. life has changed.. soo much and I can't even explain to you how tough it is... but I'm learning something through it. It's not going to be forever... I'm here to serve a higher power and right now this is where he wants me. So I'm going to praise him where I am....because he is the one that's given me life... and has made me smile when there is no reason to smile. For that I am ever grateful. :)

Wedding Speech

I'm Emily, I'm from IL and the maid of honor. Julie and I have been best friends for 6 years. We had the ideal single life. We could always do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. We've had the opportunity to travel, seeing different people and new places without being tied down to anything….Well I still have that Julie doesn't.  All our stories together are X rated so I'm going to tell you one that includes my mom. One time when Julie came to visit me in IL we went to the beach with my mom. We were both setting up our towels while my mom got her chair out. As soon as we got settled in 3 hot guys set up near by. We're both focused on getting our tan on when my mom goes: I bet I know what those guys are thinking….. and I quote "Okay, now which one of us gets the mom….." Those guys never did come over and talk to us and its kinda funny because guys tend to just fall at Julie's feet. Take for instance the time she was at my house for my graduation party. There was this one guy who thought he could get any girl he wanted. So I said "Hey Julie! I got someone for you to meet!" without fail Jake started hitting on her and calling her "Miss South Dakota" so Julie went with it until he asked her out… and it was BAM! Rejection in his face! And this is not an isolated case. This happened quite frequently even to the point where I knew I had to wait to find a guy until after Julie was married because I didn't want her leftovers.  annnnnd then Jordon came along. I was shocked that he won her over in just 4 months!!
    When I was out here in August we were all going to meet up for ice cream.  Julie and I were upstairs in her room getting ready and I noticed she looked super nervous, so I asked "Julie what's your deal? Why are you so nervous about this guy when you don't have any problem rejecting someone you don't like…"  she simply replied with "I think I might like this one…" and the next time I came to visit I'm taking their engagement pictures!"
    He must have won her over pretty good if he got the job done in only 4 months!  
    Julie and I have done everything together, some things we can't talk about. I call her my partner in crime. if she was going through something so was I. There wasn't a moment we weren't involved in siring up unnecessary drama which by the way I didn't write this speech alone. I had a little help from Miss South Dakota.

Fall Conference '09

When Julie came to visit :)

On her Wedding day <3 br="br">

When I Fall in Love

 ....I'm not sure if I believe in love anymore or even a good pure relationship... I really just believe that stuff only happens in fairy tales but if and when I do find love... If its really out there I hope its like the love that Nat King Cole sings about here...

"When I fall in love it will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely
Or I'll never give my heart
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you."

Half Smile

-->

 I see you there, as I walk in. 

You smile your smile I know so well. 

I can't help but smile back. 

Knowing that your smile was meant for me. 

We exchange "Hello's" as I walk past, with you always asking how I am.

I quicken my steps as the color reaches my cheeks-- 

and warmth flows down to my toes. 

Once I'm free from your sights I slow my paste, 

 find my breath that you stole with that smile. 

I collect my nerves and finish my shopping, 

but I still feel you glance at me-- 

as I walk down the ails. 

At times I catch your eye and smile. 

I can't help but wonder why you're still with her

I want to ask if you feel what I do... 

because I know there's something there. 

but I try not to dwell to long on those thoughts 

Our time is so short. 

As these thoughts are racing through my mind 

I look up and find your beautiful eyes watching me. 

I smile at you and look down, 

So you don't see me blush. 

 You have a power that you hold over me. 

A power which you don't know you posses, 

but to see you smile at me can make me forget all the problems of life. 

In that moment nothing matters 

In that moment I feel alive. 

I want you and I want you to want me 

But I know their never can be an "us" 

I grab my bags and look one more time at you 

Look at that smile you smile only for me.

Looking into your eyes and give you a half smile, 

because I know I'll only ever have half of you. 

So with that half smile, I drop my head and stare at the floor-- 

as I walk away once again without you.

A Quote

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

My Summer

During my time in SD we did a photoshoot for Julie's business. This is one of my favorite shots because its so creative :)

A couple weeks before summer break hit the weather was beautiful so the kids and I had an ice cream cone outside on the porch. ;)

He's one really great guy :)

Tilly and Mama

Senior shoot with Tori

One of my favorite shoots from the summer

Mama xoxo

My summmer was full of many moments. Some captured and some that will just have to live forever in my memory. I'm so thankful for summer 2012... it was a year full of laughter and tears and growing up...but what summer isn't?

Just Be Quiet

http://jeffbethke.com/why-god-just-wants-you-to-be-quiet/

The Girl

Today I had a long talk with a friend about why I attract so many losers in my life and she told me that I'm too friendly... I'm too nice... that I need to care less about people and only care about the ones who take time to get to know me and want to get to know the real me but honestly the more I thought about that the more I realized that I couldn't be that... because that's not who I am. I'm the girl who's gonna care about you no matter what you do to me. I'm the girl who will forgive everything you do and say to hurt me and still believe that you have good inside. I'm the girl who gives second and third and forth and fifth chances because that's what I'd want for someone else to do to me.

I may care... and put myself out there too much and get hurt but I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. I'd rather have people remember me as the girl who always smiled than have them know me any different way.

I'd rather care and wined up alone, picking up the pieces than to just never feel anything at all. My whole life I've always viewed it in this way; Jesus is the one I'm trying to show through me... so its not me but its the people around me that matter and how they see Jesus through me. Sometimes I screw up and I'm the worse example of God's love but I try to ... I try to be there for people and care about them. I don't matter and honestly I don't mind hurting if the other person is happy... I just need to find a better way with getting back up after disappointment. Jesus has it all under control tho.

(btw this isn't just about guys... this is about everyone in my life. Friends, family, and guys. Everyone)

21 Suggestions for Success

I love this...

Same Old

I'm finally starting to feel like myself again... I'm finally starting to feel the old me come back. & it feels soo good. I'm so sorry I distanced myself for God...I love who I am with him and what he makes of me. I just love this version better. ''

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for
me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13, KJV 

 "Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek
him with the whole heart."
Psalms 119:2, KJV

"With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander
from thy commandments."
Psalms 119:10, KJV (this is my prayer. That I will not wander from his commandments)  

Isaiah 40:31

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

The Best is Yet to Come

These past two weeks have taken everything from me. I'm so worn out but as tired as I am I've never felt more grateful, and happy and just alive. I can honestly say that through all this I'm smiling. I wish I could tell you everything that's happened that brought me to this realization… but I can't. We'd be here ForEvER!

I can say that growing up is tough. Figuring out who you want to be…especially in this world is so so difficult. You have people pulling and tugging at you in all different directions. You have influences that are either A)good or B)bad… and you  have to decide on your own what direction you want to travel down and sometimes as teens we pick the wrong road and we feel like its the end of the world but it isn't, its just a detour. & you can either regret it and beat yourself up over it or you can say I was wrong and pick yourself back up and start again.

"You aren't defined by the mistakes you have made…."

So often I feel like we get so caught up in our bad choices and think there is no turning back or that people won't be able to forgive us that we just keep going. But that isn't the truth! The truth is that we're human! You're gonna make mistakes but that's life. That's how you grow and become the person God created you to be! The trick is to take those mistakes, learn from them and allow them to better yourself…

For the past couple days I've been making mental notes of things that have been put on my heart. Things I need to apply to my life. So far I only have seven but I think that's pretty much ;) 

1) There is always something good you can take out of a bad situation.
2) Never judge another human being…you don't know they're heart.
3) You are NOT defined by the mistakes you have made.
4) You will always have a second & a third&forth & a fifth chance with God.
5) Remember tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes.
6) Be quick to forgive (that doesn't mean allow others to walk all over you… it just means that you should forgive their mistakes after that you can make the choice on whether it is right to allow them back in your life).
7) Always listen to advice but in the end think for yourself.

If there is one thing I would want you to take from all this it would be; that tomorrow is a new day and everything can change. You aren't defined by the mistakes you make. You can change at any moment. Jesus can take the worst disaster and bring something wonderful from it. You just gotta believe because I truly believe that in the worst moments the best is yet to come. :)

All of Me

 I wish I could say I have it all figured out. I wish I could say I never fail or made mistakes but that would be a lie. All I really can say is that I'm human, I make mistakes and I have a Savior who decided to love me before I even committed any sins. Its such a humbling thought to realize there is one person in this world who will never love you less for the things you've done. It makes me want to cry sometimes...

Ya know, life is messy, and complicated and crazy, and silly and just plain wonderful sometimes but this summer I kinda lost sight of a couple things... I got cocky and started relying on myself to fix things and do things and I pushed God away...which was the biggest mistake of my life and it didn't hit me until I was driving home on my own at night overwhelmed by life and choices I had to make and this song came on the radio... I heard the words "You're gonna have all of me... you're gonna have all of me/I can't give you half my heart and pray He makes it whole" I started sobbing... and I mean tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face and I couldn't breath cause I was crying so hard but I realized in that moment that I wasn't the girl I used to be... I wasn't even a girl I'd be proud to say was my best friend... I had pushed God soo far away that even in that moment I still didn't feel him near but I knew I needed to change. I needed to let him have all of me. Needed to give him my whole heart because my heart is soo tangled up and hurt and my whole life I've kept such a hold on it... I kept thinking "ohhh I'll fix it! Its okay, I can do this!!!" but I can't, in fact any amount of progress I have made in my life isn't because of how strong I am but because of how much love he has shed on me.

I'd always tell people its because of God... and I truly believed that but my sinful heart still held on to a couple pieces that the reason I've gotton so far in life was because I helped. It wasn't. It isn't. Its all because of God and to be completely honest any amount of set back I've ever hit is because I wasn't allowing God to lead... so in all truth I did help... but only to set me back a couple miles.  I don't want that anymore. I'm giving my whole heart to God so I can move on and be the girl he wants me to be. So that one day I'll never be afraid to love, so that I'm able to show people who Christ really is and be an example. He's gonna have all of me and I'm so thankful that I can ask him to have all of me and his response isn't "been there... done that... didn't work" no its not that... its simply "welcome home, I've been waiting."

I'm so thankful my past mistakes don't define me. I'm so thankful for a Heavenly Father who doesn't ever stop loving me. I know he has great plans in store and I know that whoever is out there reading this... if you've ever been at this point in life remember its never too late to ask Jesus to lead you again. He's always been there you just couldn't feel him because of the space you set in between. He's there. I promise. He's waiting for you.

& please remember no matter what you've done, no matter where you've been no mistake you've made will make him love you any less. You aren't defined by the mistakes you've made. You aren't, so stop beating yourself up because he has forgiven you.... a long time ago on the cross. You are more than that, you are soo much more to him than any mistake.  So you can start by forgiving yourself because he already has. :)

Thankful Heart

I feel like I've been given soooo much more than I ever deserve. It makes me soooo thankful to God. Sooo thankful that he has healed me and has blessed me with soooo much more than I could ever ask for. He is such an amazing God. I literally stand in awe of him every time I see the things he's done in my life and in peoples lives around us. He's sooo soo worthy of our praise... :)

Love

It amazes me how much my Savior loves. Through every mistake I make, through every mistake this world makes and awful things we commit against him, He still hasn't loved us any less. He's only loved us more with a love so deep that its humbling. I can't wait to meet him one day. I can't wait to say thank you for healing my hurt and for saving me. I can't wait to thank him for everything he's done. He's such amazing savior. I'm in awe of him every day.

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor heights, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."Galatians 2:20

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

My personal favorite just because I am so thankful to have a God who forgives all my faults.

"O give thanks unto the God of heaven; for his mercy endureth forever. " Psalms 136:26

I want to love like Jesus loves. I want the world to remember me when I die as the girl who cared about everyone. I want the world to see Jesus through me. If that's all I bring to this world then that shall be enough. 

Whispers In The Dark

"Whispers In The Dark"

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is
Just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is
Just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is
A burning, consuming fire

[Chorus:]
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark

You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay here broken and naked
My love is
Just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses

I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is
A burning, consuming fire

Jesus is The One You Need

The story of your life is still untold
I pray the king of all the universe
Would make your heart His home

Chasing

Belong

All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong.

I Will Wait

 I found this today. It made me smile. It gives me hope. I'm holdin' out for this and so should you. :)

“I will wait for you, and I will know you
Because when you speak
I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses
Your faith will remind me of Abraham
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul
Your heart for God will remind me of David
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph
And your ability to abandon your own will
will remind me of the disciples
But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally
Will remind me of Christ.”

Be You

God made each and every one of us different. Be thankful for what you have because there is no one other in the world who has the same features as you. Be beautiful, and just be you :) That’s who God loves and who I love as well. <3

Children

Today, I started taking care of this beautiful little girl. Her name is Kaylee. She's adorable and sweet, so full of life. She's soo smart for her age too. :)

We were walking home from the park today and she goes...

"I love Easter"
I asked her "Why?"
She said "because Jesus died for us!"
It melted my heart. I smiled and said "Its pretty great that he did that, huh?"
and she goes "Yeah, its better with him."

:)

God is Faithful

Searching

"You don’t need to search for a girl or run after a girl. That’s not how you find her. All you gotta do is aim for God and start running. Soon, you’ll notice someone else running beside you, maybe even faster than you. That’s who you’ll want to go for."

My Jesus

I was thinking today about God and what life would be like without him. I started to get sad inside because I know that life apart from him would just be meaningless and I feel horrible for the people out there who don't know of him, or don't want him in their lives.

Jesus has made such a difference in mine that I just wish I could share him with the whole world. I just pray the world can someday see his love shining through me. :)

Pray You Through

I heard this song for the very first time today... The lyrics brought me back to when I was fifteen. That year the Lord became real to me. It was hard and when I look back on it I have no desire to return but this song brought back memories of nights when nothing could make me smile, nobody knew what to do. So Allison would call me up and just pray for me and pray... because there was nothing else that could be done. So she prayed me through.  I'm so thankful for her, I'm so thankful that God placed her in my life because she helped me through those nights. I just hope that one day I can do the same for someone else. That one day, just like Allison did for me, that I can pray someone through. That I can help them feel closer to Jesus in a difficult moment like She did for me.

All This Time

Today as I was coming home, this song started to play on the radio. As I listened to the lyrics and Britt Nicole sang the lines "I remember the moment, I remember the pain. I was only a girl but I grew up that day." it stuck me that everyone you meet, everyone who smiles at you, every passing stranger has a story. They have all faced a great tragedy and have lived through it. Now I can't say how all of them chose to make it through but I know that some of my friends have had to go through some pretty rough things and as i watched them struggle, I have also watched God do amazing things through them. I've seen Him take the worse situation and bring something beautiful from it and through it all they chose t glorified him. I was just amazed as I was driving that God never fails us. He never leaves us. He's always there. Forever and ever.

He wants to rescue us.

I know that He's stolen my heart.

Thankful

You know that saying a "Thankful heart is a..." yeah I don't remember the rest but I will say that at the start of this year God has been working in my heart to change it to appreciate life for what it is and what He's given me. I'm really good at being thankful for the big things in life but when it comes to the little things and then the things I never asked for or even wanted apart of my life... yeah that's where I fail and where God wanted a little tweaking. So we got to work. I wish I could say it all went smoothly but the beginning of the year is a little blurred and maybe for good reason?!?! aha but as it was pointed out to my heart more and more where I needed to just be thankful and go with the flow I began to be... It wasn't until today though as I was driving in the car with my mom and talking about people who just seem restless and always seem to find some form of discontent with life that it hit me that I wasn't discontent anymore. I wasn't always wanting for something better to happen... I was just content. It made me so happy. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Its freeing... life is far from what I ever pictured it as and trust me its not always fun and easy, I do still have my moments of stickiness but I try to remmeber that God is in control and I need to be thankful. I can say that I don't have this gnawing feeling that I want more out of life anymore. I'm realizing I have everything I really need and that's my Jesus, my family, and friends. The Lord has given me far beyond measure. I'm grateful for everything he's done and even for the bumps in the road because with those bumps I was able to witness my Jesus show me how great He is. :)

 He knows the future and I'm content to play the background while he takes the lead.
  
"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
 I'm thankful 

This Weather

Is sooo beautiful. It makes me soooo happy. It makes me smile all the time. I fall asleep with the windows open and wake up to the sun rising. :) I love it. Ohhh also for the diet I was doing... I'm switching because this diet just makes me feel hungry all the time. Not fun. I'll just not eat flour or sugar... not good for you anyways.... haha I feel like I have soo much more energy. I like it.

Day Two

I'm hungry. Oh well. I'm staying busy. I love this weather. It makes me so happy. I was able to sit outside and read in the sun for a bit until I almost fell asleep, which I doubt would have happened if I had gotton more sleep but one I had like six million bad dreams including getting married and being pressured into it and not being happy over it alll.. I seriously almost woke up screaming... I was breathing right. That's for sure. Hahah guess we all can guess what scares me. Marriage! lol Then once i fell back asleep I had another bad dream but not as bad as the first and then I had a couple other ones... it all kept switching. Weird. finally all my dreams were almost over and Willy knocked on my door very loudly at 830 to get my keys to my car. UGH! and I wanted to sleep in. Siiigh I guess 7 hours will do on a weekend?!!?! :( Anyways. Hope ya'll are having a wonderful time!!! :) Enjoy this weather while we have it! It reminds me of Hawaii. I miss that place dearly

Day One

Hi guys, :) So today is day one of my diet. My mom is doing the extreme version of it but I'm tagging along to help her stick with it and to lose weight, because lets face it it wouldn't kill me to drop a couple pounds! I'm at 158 right now which is wayyy to heavy for me. I probably don't look it with clothes on but trust me I'm overweight. This is why I'm super excited to start the program but after it's over I'm even more excited to eat healthy. Its like a fresh start. I love fresh starts. Pretty much what we do is eat less but we've also cut out dairy and flour. Soo pretty much we eat, fruit, veggies and meat. :) YUM! haha meals are very limited but its only going to be for a month. After that we'll add some other things in but it will be healthy meals, hardly any floury stuff besides I'm allergic to flour.:( I'm honestly kinda excited for the 30 days to go by. I can't wait to see how much we both lose. We're drinking lots of water which is great but goodness do I visit the bathroom a lot! hahah So for breakfast I was able to have strawberries and a cup of tea, which was plenty for me because I'm not hungry in the morning. Now for lunch which I'm eating right now is salad and chicken. :) I'm enjoying it. I've cut my food up small so that I eat slower and enjoy it. And honestly that's healthy for you. You digest it better that way! :) So I'm super excited for this summer! The weather is already beautiful out and its only MARCH! I thank God for it every day because it makes me soo happy. I'm excited for the green to grow and come alive and the flowers because that makes for prettier photoshoots. :) Anyways, I'm checking out. Stay tuned for Day Two! :)

On Love

I was emailing my sister the other day about relationships, and caring for others and also how to deal with people kindly who care for you but you don't feel the same for them and she sent me this link because she thought it would help. I loved it, it was written so beautifullly and said with so much care. It's everything I've been learning lately but placed in words that I could never say... here it is...

 Back in 1958, John Steinbeck, author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, got a letter from his teenage son Thom, in which Thom confessed that he had fallen desperately in love with a girl named Susan at his boarding school.

Steinbeck wrote this wise and wonderful letter back to him the same day...

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales

I really like this guy. He speaks the truth.

Just a Thought

I was on facebook today and my friend had a status up. She wrote this and it just really got me thinking. …One of the most discouraging things in our life is the disillusion of what we THINK it should look like. It should be an encouragement to realize is that life is an opportunity to live for the Lord, no matter where you are or what shape you’re in. Sometimes we just have to be open to the opportunities He’s already giving us.

Reason Five to Smile

My 5th reason to smile is simply because my Lord loves me no matter what! "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height. nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

My Fourth Reason to Smile

My 4th reason to smile and that would have to be children. Its sooo funny how a child can totally turn your day around. I know that when I was hurting over being played, Katie was the one to turned my days around and just give me a reason to smile. I realize that life goes on and that being embarrassed isn't the end of the world. I remember that whenever i used to space off and have that sad look in my eyes she'd grab my hand and say "Love you, Bender" and that would snap me out of it. Its soo simple. Its the love of a child that comforts. Its truly that simple :)

A New Look

So I was tired of the old me... which lead me to do some changes. We're starting out small right now but by my 19th birthday it will be a completely different me. Mark my words. I'm excited. I can't stand having things the same for too long. I always have to keep moving, keep trying new things which lead me to cutting like 4 inches of my hair off.. :D

You like? What should my next change be?

10 Reasons to Smile

This video changed my life. By the end of it I was crying. It taught me that even people who appear to have it all together needed to be heard too....sometimes need it more than others.



I found my 10 reasons to smile...

1) My Jesus
2) My music
3) My friends
4) My kitchen
5) Summer
6) Books
7) People who feel comfortable enough to come to me when their broken.
8) That I'm only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me.
9) That God has given me far more than beyond measure.
10) My family

Now, can you find your 10?

Love is Enough

And to the bruised and fallen, Captives, bound, and broken hearted. Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from His hands.

Oh My Dear

Reason Four to Smile

Because of God's unanswered prayers because if he had answered them than I wouldn't be at this place I am now. My Jesus really knows what he's doing and that just makes me smile. :)

Reason Three to Smile

My 3rd reason to smile came to me while I was cleaning my room... It really is in due of a cleaning I have clothes thrown everywhere I can't even find anything anymore. Anyways...as I'm putting things away I realized that I own a lot of boy sweatshirts. Haha I don't have a lot because boy gave them to me.. NOPE in fact I've never had a boy give me his sweatshirt or even let me borrow one... well fine... Zach would let me borrow one when I was super cold or crying but he's like a brother to me. MY point is that I have a lot of sweatshirts and I was thinking "boy! I have too many, I should get rid of some..." but as I went through them and tried to pick out the ones I don't wear I realized I wear them all! They all have a different purpose... Like my super big cubs sweatshirt... I wear to bed whenever I need to feel comforted and secure. My dark yet bright orange sweatshirt I wear all the time... I wear it to dress down an dress that I might have own earlier in the day or I just wear it with jeans to feel comfy and then I have a white normal size sweatshirt that matches my best friend Julies. We wear ours all the time together. :) After that comes my very first sweatshirt that I ever bought... I hardly ever wear it but when I do Its for a reason and it just makes me feel like life is okay. My very last one just showed up in my house... after a party... We don't know who's it is but I love it a lot. I wear that one a lot with leggings and a long t-shirt.

As you can seee... I own a lot of sweatshirts and every single one of them has a purpose in my life... I couldn't get rid of them if I tried. I love them to death. They comfort me and make me smile. <3

Reason Two to Smile

I have lots of reasons to smile lately...so many I can't even name them all...all I know is that I smile all the time and I love that feeling.

Reasons to Smile
1) In August I'll start beauty school
2) God has blessed me with so many amazing people in my life to encourage me and push me forward even when I can't see through the fog and I'm so thankful for them.
3) There's this person and they make me smile like no other.
4) Music, its the sountrack to my life. I would feel lifeless without music.
5) My Journal.
6) My camera, I don't know where I'd be or how I made it through life without it. I love being able to capture moments and freeze them. :)
7) My Jesus. He's my everything.

I soo wish I had a moment to capture all this. :)

Reason One to Smile

Yesterday night I met with a good friend and God used her to really work inside of me. The Lord knows I still hurt and he was able to use her to allow me to see some good that he's placed inside my life and to accept that...that good was meant for me. We're working on changing my outlook on life and appreciating that the Lord believes I'm worth it. Its freeing... It makes me smile. Last night I was honestly emotionally worn out and I went straight to bed but I'm awake now! haha its 4:38am.

So I'm awake and I decided that I was going to pray....and once I was done I remembered what she said about keeping a prayer journal and looking back on it to see what prayers were answered and what prayers were answered in different ways or not at all...So instead of keeping a prayer journal I've decided to take sticky notes and write down my prayer, give it all to the Lord, fold it up nicely and place it in my prayer box. Its just a pretty box Julie gave me for my birthday. Its painted with pretty white flowers on a black box that says "Live" "Laugh" "Love"
I love the box and as I wrote out my prayer and placed it inside I found one prayer I wrote 4 months ago and as I reread it I was shocked to see that the Lord gave me a second chance like I had asked and it just made me smile because even though I didn't think I deserved it He thought I deserved it and that means so much to me and from now on I'm going to accept the blessings he gives me and appropriate what he hands to me because to do anything else, to think any other thought would be a disrespect and I love my Lord with all I have. I'm so grateful to him.

Here's a song that was playing this morning as I was writing. I love this song so much and one part of the song really hits me as Josh Wilson sings "Maybe, there are things you can't see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see" Those lyrics are so true. There are things I can't see, and those things that God can see, well he's using them and I'm going to trust that He knows best...because he is my savior. ;) I'm grateful to him for doing all he's done for me. I'm going to learn to accept that now and remember I'm worth what he does for me otherwise he wouldn't do it. I know my God doesn't waste his time ;)

Never Be the Same

This song just started playing from one of my playlists....it's a bit rocky but I love the lyrics. I looked them up and one line hit me to the core...He sings "I just can't walk away 'cuz after loving you I can never be the same..." This is to the very tee how I feel about Jesus. There have been so many times and so many situations where I get so frustrated and think "Why, why are you letting this happen? or what's the point??!?! all those other non Christians seem to have it easy... "all I want to do is walk away, but when I look back on the past all I can see is his hand and how he fixed every mistake, took every shattered rose and brought something amazing from it.

I fell in love with my creator and I know I'll never be the same anymore. I can't walk away, life is better with him by my side. He makes everything whole. He's my hope, he's my smile when I can't seem to find it, he's my peace when life spins out of control. He's the reason and the only reason why I can forgive and let go. He's my everything and I'm so grateful to him for all he's done. -Philippians 2:13 <3

It was Cold!!!!

So yesterday we had a photoshoot and even though I wish we had more time when the lighting was better I still think we got a couple good ones. This kid is awesome for modeling. :)

We're Gonne Freeze

Its sooo cold out but I'm super excited to get out there and take some pictures of Alex. :) We prolly won't last long but at least we'll get some. :P

Smile

So inspit of this day not going like I planed it...it still had its perfect moments and honestly maybe even better than what the other moments were gonna bring.

Well, where to start, I woke up late and started packing....which I still have to finish. haha I am awful at packing, no joke and then I went out to take pictures because it was a little after 1:00. I got all my brothers together and even the dog and we went into the forest to take a couple shots which I'll post later, I still need to fix them but after the forest we decided to get their cowboy boots on and go to the road because I wanted a couple shots of just their shoes. I was trying to be creative!
Here's what I came up with....

After I finished the boys pictures I made pizza dough and headed out to take a couple pictures of my two favorite little kids. They seriously make me smile when I'm crying... Here is just one of the many pictures I took but this one is my favorite. :)

This girl can be such a pain sometimes but I will always remember the time when I ran 3 miles barefoot to their house crying and she washed them and put lotion on them until they felt better. <3 She's precious.

One foggy Day....

So I got my new lens and even though the weather hasn't been great for taking pictures I made due with what I have and on New years eve I found myself two beautiful victims and we decided to start a shoot. :) I had soo much fun. It was as if I came alive with every click and I loved every second of it... even the part where we got yelled at for being on private property. :P Here are a couple shots I took. Hope you enjoy! Happy New YEARS!